Exhibition Cum Sale

8:23 PM Wednesday, March 29, 2000

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When I was back in Bombay, every day I walked past the banners proclaiming "Exhibition Cum Sale" hanging from the store next door. I never got to take a picture. (I actually wanted to steal one.) There were always guards with machine guns standing out front. Heck, even at 3 am they were sitting there drowsily playing cards. I never got the guts for a cum shot. I know what you must be wondering, "Is this your standard cum sale done exhibition-style, with booths and hawkers, or is it a more narrowly focused sale of the ejaculates of Bombay's exhibitionists?" I too was confused when I first spotted the signs. I asked Brian about it and after he got over the shock of having a CUM SALE next door to his house, he explained to me that there must be some kind of mix up. After all, that's a jewelry store, one of Bombay's nicest. And although the clientele is predominantly female, it just doesn't make sense from a marketing perspective. Shouldn't the cum sale be next to all the other cum sales? A whole street of them the same way you get whole streets of plastic flowers or oil lamps. Why would they put cum on sale smack dab in the middle of the jewelry district? I never figured it out. I was a little intimidated by the security guards with AK-47's but then today I saw the same sign here in Calcutta on a clothing store. I thought, "This is too weird, right on Mahatma Gandhi road. The depravity." So I asked the guy who looked like he spoke the best English what was up and he said, "Yes, the exhibition cum sale is always on." That's why they permanently painted it right up there under "Cotton House". Well, he wanted to shake my hand after that but I don't have to tell you that I would entertain no such gesture and I headed straight back to my no-meat and no-alcohol Jain hotel so I could watch the Yogic Flyers Channel. Thank god there are thousands of Yogic Flyers blissfully levitating in order to keep the universe in harmony.