Pinky Eyes, They're Watchin You, They See Your Every Move

5:40 PM Thursday, November 25, 1999

jodhpur street 13216 bytes

I'm so fucking sick of being watched. I'm a goddamn animal in a zoo. Get me the hell out of here. It really is a nightmare. This morning Tony came in to wake me up (he let me sleep in his room upstairs) and what's he do? He sits down on the bed and fucking stares at me. Just like Pinky is sitting here watching me write with his fat next door neighbor who has come over to gawk at me from the doorway. This is after spending the majority of the last four days with me. Do you think I could have a moment alone to start my day? I mean, I just spent four days in a tent with 20 other people and compared to the affection of one young Indian man, I felt positively isolated! So he watches me rub my eyes. He watches me take my first drink of water. He watches me comb my hair with my fingers. He watches me sit there, with my head in my hands, trying to wake up. I realize that he's going to see everything I do today unless I somehow divert his attention or beg to be alone.

Pinky has just now said, "You write autobiography". He has this ultra-annoying tendency to state the obvious or ask the same question repeatedly. I write these disparaging comments even as he once again asks me to send him a copy of what I write along with the 2 or 3 rolls of film I shot while I was with him. Be very careful about promising photos to Indians. They will take one and ask for a million and they'll grab every person they know and ask you to take a picture of them as if you were their personal photographer and had nothing better to do than burn film on them.

So Pinky, right, he says the stupidest shit every time he speaks to me. "Your shirt is blue." And he expects me to answer!. "Yes." Ugh. Help me. I'm too polite. "You are writing." Then he stares at me. "Yeah." Ugh. Leave me the fuck alone. "You will not forget me? You are my good friend." He won't shut up until I assure him. He's said this every day we've been together at least 5 damn times!

I have to vent on this shit 'cause I got so damn pissed today I thought I was going to strangle someone. I shoulda just stayed in Pushkar and waited till my number came up and gotten a train back to Bombay but the boys promised me they could get me a confirmed ticked if I came with them to Jodhpur. I won't even go into how they fucked up the bus from Pushkar to Jodhpur. Last night when we pulled into Jodhpur 6 hours later instead of 3 as they promised, I wanted to go to the train station right away to make a reservation for the next day. They said it was closed. I found out later that it was open. I wanted to go first thing in the morning to book a bus but they said they leave at 3 pm and we can go to the train first. The only bus today day left at 11 AM and we missed it. I shouldn't have trusted those guys that could give a shit if I get a ride. They have their own motivations. They want me in their house and in front of their parents like a high school quarterback wants to fuck a cheerleader on homecoming.

The train here is wait listed 206. They're making my travel worse than if I'd just been stumbling along by myself. So I'm faced with the prospect of having to wait another day and I still won't get a train. They've cost me 2 days travel when it only takes 1 to get home. I can't believe I let them take over my life. I'm more pissed for giving up control than the fact that they messed up. This is enough to make me never mix with the local Indians again - and these are the nice ones! It's really too much to take. They speak English and wear western clothes but they're so damn poor that we really should not be hanging out together. We cannot be friends under these conditions. I've got to go but I need to remember to write about "Clem". These guy's friend that they met last year in Pushkar that seems to be a lecherous gay hairdresser sugar-daddy from New York. They're clueless about him.

Ugh.


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