Reply by Eben Carlson to my email request:

Tell me something that you did that I can be proud of.

davep

I called up my friend ______ ________, took him out to lunch, told him what the future of commerce looks like and asked him for $80,000 to release The Love Artist based on that model. (This was Monday, I've already asked people for upwards of three million for White Gold. And I've attempted to recruit at least six people to run the shit.)

I got a rejection letter from Chronicle Books. I went to my fourth Pilates class. I went swimming at the Y (that was a few weeks ago). And I sent my mom peanut brittle for her birthday and it got there the day before (I'll share the glory with the United Postal Service for that one). And it was wrapped.

I responded to the question "What do you want to do in NY" with "Get famous and improve Western culture", I got up at 3:48 yesterday, I'm living off of credit cards but still drink Odwalla, I arranged and went to a photo shoot w/Charles to get the cover of my book, I've steeled my despair to not care about the opposite of what it wants to not care about, I've assumed a leadership role with myself, I'm wearing an ironed dress shirt (pink, no less) and good shoes, I e-mailed back my brother the same day I recieved his e-mail, I'm making one phone call I don't want to per day, and I cook almost all of my own food.

I'm proud, tired, lonely, and broke as a motherfucking joke.

Oh--maybe the best one--I went to a party last Saturday that was a talent show and even though I knew everyone else would be doing drunk shit like eating marshmellows with their toes, singing baby songs, and burping the alphabet, I read a poem that I cared about. I also met with a gallery, showed them my drawings, and got three names of other gallerys to approach.

Plus I'm alive--and have made it through one of the most difficult years I've ever had.

Fuck it.

Eben